Just for Partners

Childhood, as a training for parenthood, is a very exclusive apprenticeship!

Nowadays partners are much more involved in both the birth and parenting of their baby. Cuidiú offers support to all Mothers and their partners by providing information, education and support regarding pregnancy & childbirth, breastfeeding and parenting through a diverse programme of events and activities. 

If we are lucky, we learn (largely subconsciously) from one father and one mother. What follows is one father's view of the 'trade' of parenthood. 

"In any trade or profession, the members often enjoy talking 'shop'. I have met quite a few other fathers through our membership of the Irish Childbirth Trust. Our conversations reveal that most of us find babies and young children to be fascinating people in their own right.

When Irish Childbirth Trust fathers meet at Humpty Dumpty groups or other events, do they spend their time discussing MMR shots, teething and toddler sleeping patterns? The answer is 'yes and no'. Like any serious matter, the wellbeing of children is discussed in depth from time to time. At other times, other matters of mutual interest (politics, sport, economic survival) come to the fore, interrupted only by occasional interventions in border skirmishes between toddlers.

The net result is that our unconscious training in fatherhood by our own parents is supplemented by observation of other mothers and fathers, in a context where discussion of parenthood is acceptable and welcomed. We get (as fathers) a wider view of the role of our partners in the process, and occasionally a preview of problems yet to come. As a parent, there is little comfort, but perhaps some valuable lessons to be learnt by observing the turmoil of another family with teenagers.

As many partners will testify -  the Irish Childbirth Trust is a collection of interesting and friendly people who can provide invaluable support in our roles as parents."

How Partners can help with Breastfeeding

Congratulations on becoming a parent! The weeks, months and years ahead will be both rewarding and challenging and your role will be crucial. Supporting your partner's decision to breastfeed will make it much easier for her to get off to a good start.

Breastfeeding brings so many advantages for mother and baby that most people would be convinced if they knew the whole story! It is worth giving that special support in the first few weeks as it is an investment in your baby's future.

Very, very few mothers are physically unable to breastfeed their babies. Where things are more likely to go wrong is in the area of support. Don't worry about being left out - your partner needs you, your new baby needs you and there are plenty of ways for you to get to know your new baby - cuddling, playing, carrying, comforting, bathing, massage - even the dreaded nappy-changing!

The first few weeks with any new baby - whether or not the mother is breastfeeding - are often exhausting for both mother and father. Many experienced parents say - "Take all the offers of help you can get! Let you and your partner look after the baby." Cooking, shopping, school runs, laundry, cleaning, care of older children is where grandparents and friends can really help.

You can help

Encourage your partner. Let her know that she has your constant unconditional support. Tell her she's great!

Be available - try to arrange to be at home for as long as possible in the early days.

Get your partner to rest, relax and sleep. Remember that if she is waking during the night to feed your baby she will need to make time for rest (in bed) during the day.

Encourage your partner to contact her local breastfeeding support group or Breastfeeding Counsellor as soon as possible. Getting out of the house, meeting other mothers who feel positive about breastfeeding will help. Seeking help early with any breastfeeding problems makes them easier to deal with. A trained Breastfeeding Counsellor may be able to help.

Try not to give advice. Learn to listen sympathetically. Understand that your partner may have emotional highs and lows and that this will not last for ever. Many mothers tell us that advice was thick on the ground but all they wanted was someone to listen.

Beware of careless remarks. Any comment however well-meaning that implies she cannot feed her baby adequately or hasn't enough milk can be devastating to her.

Help your partner deal with other people. For example, in the hospital you can make sure that her decision to breastfeed and your support is understood at each stage. At home and in hospital - try to ensure visitors keep their visits short.

Keep the meals coming! It's not that a new mother needs to eat a lot in order to produce milk. Breastmilk is always the perfect food - even badly nourished mothers produce perfect milk for their babies - but a mother who is eating regularly has a better chance of keeping her energy level and general morale up. Little and often is better and having her main meal in the middle of the day may help.

A crying baby isn't always a hungry baby (though it's always worth trying a feed first!) And sometimes what is needed is a cuddle and a backrub and walking up and down for a while. Give your partner a break. You can be the expert on this - some fathers find carrying the baby in a sling or offering skin-to-skin contact particularly helpful and soothing.

If you have older children, this can be a wonderful opportunity to build on your special relationship with them. They may be feeling a bit left out.  

Look after yourself. You're tired too. Maybe for a few weeks you need to look at your routine to see where you can fit in extra sleep. Accept offers of help. You may also need someone who will listen. Seek out someone you like - maybe a father with a child slightly older than yours - and reassure yourself about the terrific job you are doing!